it's grey and getting more abstract

since when - i'm not sure either - i do not know what i wanna do, what i want.

when i was just a little kid, all that i know is just i want to be like you. you are my big superstar. only you.

and they want it, too. it should be.

you are everything. you got everything. you had everything. you achieved everything. perfectly.

and i want to be like you. that's all i need to be.

well, i blame my self for that. for being so naive and so innocent and failed to find that every single human were created to be different. it's normal to be different. and i am not normal if i want to be the same.

i am not normal until now.

and now, here i am. 22 years old, mature enough to define what is good and bad. but i am still here. a 5 years old kid trapping herself in an old body.

i still can not find what i exactly do want.

and it hurts when they still try to make it as usual. even when i already have my decision.

but still, what can i do is defend my self. force my self to nod while my brains are running away.

i refuse to fight while all i can do is keep my mouth off.

well.., it's like living a life that is not mine. i am just a name. i only live in deep down my heart. and here, HERE! what you see in front of you, is just a dead man name human. a stupid human!